You’re Just Not That Into Her Anymore: BFF Breakups

Dear Rachel,

My friend and I have been best friends for about 5 years now….The problem is, I feel like I’ve matured over the years and…she has not. Also, we keep having arguments over so many different things. We always disagree and she ends up basically screaming at me and blaming me for being a bad friend. Another thing is, she constantly acts clueless when I talk to her about something she should know. It is honestly frustrating. I don’t know how to deal with it… I don’t know what to do because if I bring it up to her, she’ll yell at me or say she doesn’t know what I’m talking about….I’m stuck. I don’t where to turn anymore. PLEASE HELP. –Lidiya

Hey Lidiya,

Can I ask you a question? If this story was about someone you were dating, would you be even asking me for advice? Probably not. You’d know you should break up with that person. Clearly, the same is called for here.

You’re obviously so over this friend. That’s okay! It’s not like you signed a contract to be BFF. There are just not that many people we end up being that second “F” with. Friends grow apart, just like you guys did. But a lot of girls really believe in that “F,” and they think something is wrong, either with them or in general, if their friendships start to fall apart. Trust me: It’s totally normal, and just like a dating relationship, you’re going to have to break it off.

So how do you do it? My three rules to break up with a BFF without being cruel:

1. Make sure your decision’s permanent. You can’t change your mind next week, or pretend like nothing happened at random moments. Because that’s nasty.

2. Don’t talk about it with your friends. Let them know it’s over, but don’t get into it at length. Your ex will totally hear about it or get weird looks from other girls and feel horrible.

3. Do it the way you’d want it done to you. There are no easy break up speeches, but you’ll be classier and more humane if you put yourself in her shoes.

Here’s the deal: You will not actually be BFF – I mean, that second F – with at least 90% of the people you designate as a BFF. You will be BF. And sometimes – most of the time – you will outgrow that person. It’s really not different from dating. So don’t beat yourself up about it. Pretending to like someone when you don’t is painful for all involved. Just be respectful and be real, and you can both move on to find that new BFF. I mean, BF.


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